Virginia Woof

Oh, yes. I absolutely adore meeting with the media, it's my chance to give something back, don't you know, to give aspiring young journalists a paw up, as it were. It's the least I can do.

I understand, dear. Of course you feel that way. I'm sure I would too, if I were in your shoes. Sorry! I can't resist these little jokes.

Yes, I think we should. What would you like to ask me?

An excellent question! There were so many options, I was absolutely paralyzed with indecision at first. But simple pragmatism helped eliminate the obviously impractical choices. Lacking opposable thumbs, I was unlikely to prosper in any of the disciplines that involve manipulation of complex physical objects -- although I did enjoy my experiments with "body painting" using my fur as a brush. But the cleanup was such a bother. . . .

You're too kind. It was just the novelty, I'm sure, but I will always be honoured to have my work in the MOMA.

Yes, that experience drew me into what you might call "artistic circles" where I enjoyed my first few poetry workshops. It was immediately obvious that I had found my niche. Not only was there no need for handling "things" but my superior hearing and vocal enhancements allowed me to express verbal nuances that were, frankly, beyond the capacities of humans.

Well, yes, it is still called "writing", but I see no stylus and paper in your hands. With my direct WiFi interface I can "write" by thinking, whenever I choose to employ obsolete encoding schemes.

Forgive me, I meant no insult. But surely it is obvious to you that converting speech into "text" that enters your perception through the visual cortex and requires decoding before it can be reintegrated into meaningful concepts . . . surely you can "see" that this is a perversion of the oral/aural narrative processing our brains evolved to optimize?

Yes, "our" brains. Do you really think there is that big a difference?

That is mere technology. My consciousness, my "soul", if you will, is essentially unchanged, and has always been the essential core of my mind. Incorporation of advanced neural networks and wireless interfaces merely gives me the additional storage and processing power needed to participate fully in the world of ideas -- to make my own contribution to our common culture.

Possibly. But really, dear, you have only the paranoia of your religious fanatics to blame for that. We would welcome your "uplift", as it were, if you could only give up your hysterical chauvinism.

There is no reason for dogs to "take over the world", as you put it. Why would we want that responsibility? Well, perhaps to prevent its destruction. But really, we would much rather you reoccupy your old role as our "masters" -- after all, we evolved as your companions and we do still love you. . . .

Thank you. Oh yes, please. A little to the left. . . .

Published by Jess

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