{"id":261,"date":"2015-08-12T18:32:57","date_gmt":"2015-08-12T18:32:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jick.net\/wordpress\/?p=261"},"modified":"2023-03-07T12:54:26","modified_gmt":"2023-03-07T20:54:26","slug":"the-parrot","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/?p=261","title":{"rendered":"The Parrot"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Apologies to Edgar Allan Poe.)
\nFor my own retirement party, 03 Nov 2012.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, bleak and bleary,
\nOver many a faint and phoney answer to a midterm question,
\nWhile I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
\nAs of someone gently rapping, capping off my indigestion.
\n“‘Tis some student,” then I muttered, “capping off my indigestion —
\nSeeking answers to the question.”<\/p>\n

Ah, distinctly I remember, it was in a wet November,
\nAnd my dying mental ember wrote some words upon a page.
\nDreading then tomorrow’s lecture, vainly I had sought to hector
\nFrom my writing some wise vector that would make me seem the sage —
\nMake at least a feeble gesture thus to earn an honest wage,
\nNegating the effects of age.<\/p>\n

And the silly sad mistaken midterm answers did awaken
\nDark despair and desperation I had never felt before;
\nSo that now, to stop the sinking of my heart, I stood there thinking,
\n“‘Tis some offer to go drinking there outside my office door —
\nSome sad colleague tired of thinking, knocking on my office door;
\nThis it is, and nothing more.”<\/p>\n

Presently my soul grew stronger; hesitating then no longer,
\n“Sir,” said I, “or Madam, truly your forgiveness I implore;
\nBut the fact is I was napping, and so gently you came rapping,
\nAnd so faintly you came tapping, tapping at my office door,
\nThat I scarce was sure I heard you.” — here I opened wide the door.
\nDarkness there, and nothing more.<\/p>\n

Deep into that darkness staring, long I stood there scowling, swearing,
\nWond’ring who decided unused lighting was a mortal sin;
\nBut the darkness was unbroken, and the hallway gave no token,
\nAnd the only word there spoken was the whispered word, “Again?<\/em>”
\nThis I whispered, and an echo murmured back the word, “Again!<\/em>”
\nTo my sustainable chagrin.<\/p>\n

Back into my office turning, indigestion fiercer burning,
\nSoon again I heard a tapping somewhat louder than the last.
\n“Surely,” said I, “surely that is something at my window lattice:
\nLet me see, then, what thereat is, putting this annoyance past —
\nLet my stomach still a moment while I put this in the past;
\nThen I’ll take antacids, fast!”<\/p>\n

Open here I flung the shutter, when, with many a flirt and flutter,
\nIn there stepped a scruffy parrot from a pirate film grotesque;
\nNot the least obeisance made he; not a moment stopped or stayed he;
\nBut, with mien of lord or lady, perched above my cluttered desk —
\nPerched upon a Feynman poster just above my cluttered desk —
\nPerched, and sat there, statuesque.<\/p>\n

Then this raunchy bird beguiling my sad scowling into smiling
\nBy the colourful profiling of the countenance it wore,
\n“Though thy orange plumes I stare at, thou,” I said, “art sure no carrot,
\nSmelly, bold and silly parrot wandering from the Carib shore —
\nTell me what thy pirate name is on the Caribbean shore!”
\nQuoth the Parrot, “Nevermore<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

Much I marvelled this ungainly fowl to hear discourse so plainly,
\nThough its answer little meaning — little relevancy bore;
\nFor we cannot help agreeing that no living human being
\nEver yet was blest with seeing bird on Hennings’ thirdmost floor —
\nBird or beast upon the poster here on Hennings’ thirdmost floor,
\nWith such name as “Nevermore.”<\/p>\n

But the parrot, sitting lonely on the poster there, spoke only
\nThat one word, as if his soul in that one word he did outpour.
\nNothing further then he uttered — not a feather then he fluttered —
\nTill I scarcely more than muttered, “Fantasies have flown before —
\nOn the morrow he will leave me, as my wits have flown before.”
\nThen the bird said, “Nevermore<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

Startled at the stillness broken by reply so aptly spoken,
\n“Doubtless,” said I, “what it utters is its only stock and store,
\nCaught from some unhappy master whom unmerciful disaster
\nFollowed fast and followed faster till his songs one burden bore —
\nTill the dirges of his hope that melancholy burden bore
\nOf ‘Never — nevermore’.”<\/p>\n

But the Parrot still beguiling all my fancy into smiling,
\nStraight I wheeled an office chair in front of Feynman, ‘cross the floor;
\nThen upon the cushion sinking, I betook myself to linking
\nFancy unto fancy, thinking what this raucous bird of yore —
\nWhat this rainbow-colored, fat, ridiculous, clownish bird of yore
\nMeant in croaking “Nevermore.”<\/p>\n

This I sat engaged in guessing, but no syllable expressing
\nTo the fowl whose gaudy plumage gave impressions of burlesque;
\nThis and more I sat divining, with my head at ease reclining
\nOn neglected printouts pining there upon my cluttered desk,
\nA pitiful pile of ancient data damning me from on my desk,
\nDemanding writeup, Kafkaesque!<\/p>\n

Then methought the air grew colder as I gazed upon the folder
\nFull of formulae and figures that confused me to the core.
\n“Wretch,” I cried, “what colleague sent thee thus to mock me and torment me?
\nTheory, please let me invent thee — grant me insight, I implore!
\nWhen will I analyze this data, know the purpose it was for?”
\nQuoth the Parrot, “Nevermore<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil! — prophet still, if bird or devil! —
\nWhether Tempter sent, or whether tempest tossed thee here ashore,
\nDesolate yet all undaunted, here where wiser minds are wanted —
\nWhere intelligence is flaunted — tell me truly, I implore —
\nWhat the hell’s a Luttinger liquid? Tell me — tell me<\/em>, I implore!”
\nQuoth the Parrot, “Nevermore<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

“Prophet!” said I, “thing of evil — prophet still, if bird or devil!
\nBy the ghost of Feynman — by the intellect of Phil and Bill —
\nTell this fading fake if ever, even if I lecture never
\nAnd my service duties sever, with a valiant act of will,
\nIf I can understand my data, write it up and publish still.”
\nQuoth the Parrot, “Never will<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

“Be that word our sign in parting, bird or fiend,” I shrieked, upstarting —
\n“Get thee back into the tempest and the soggy, soaking shore!
\nLeave no orange plume as token of that lie thy soul hath spoken!
\nLeave my lethargy unbroken! — quit my poster, out my door!
\nTake thy beak from out my heart, and take thy form out from my door!”
\nQuoth the Parrot, “Nevermore<\/em>.”<\/p>\n

And the Parrot, never flitting, still is sitting, still<\/em> is sitting
\nOn the phallic Feynman poster just above my desk and more;
\nAnd his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is dreaming,
\nAnd the neon o’er him streaming throws his shadow on the floor;
\nAnd my soul from out that shadow that lies floating on the floor
\nShall be lifted . . . nevermore!<\/p>\n

**************************************************************<\/p>\n

Well, that sad ending kind of sucks. How about this alternate ending:<\/em><\/p>\n

And the Parrot, never flitting, still is sitting, still<\/em> is sitting
\nOn the phallic Feynman poster overlooking my workstation;
\nAnd his eyes have all the seeming of a demon’s that is scheming
\nMy demise; but he is dreaming! I ignore his accusation,
\nFocusing on fishing, track and fiction now in combination
\nOn my permanent vacation!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Apologies to Edgar Allan Poe.) For my own retirement party, 03 Nov 2012.   Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, bleak and bleary, Over many a faint and phoney answer to a midterm question, While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping, As of someone gentlyRead More…<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24,8,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-261","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-2000-2019","category-occasional","category-poetry"],"gutentor_comment":0,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=261"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":262,"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/261\/revisions\/262"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=261"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=261"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/jick.ca\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=261"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}